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Here you can see all the updates I've EVER done, just in case you miss one and feel you can't go on without it.
News

The first day of my new site! Wow. It's great isn't it? Sooo, what have I done? Apart from making this I watched the FA Cup final - bloody Arsenal "France" FC won it if you didn't know. I fed my cat and that took a while because I had to find 30 strong men to lift the bag of whiskas, then she broke free from her ropes and mauled 8 of them to death before we could get her with the tranquilisers. Ever seen the bit at the start of Jurassic Park with the velociraptor? Kinda like that. She doesn't just bite the hand that feeds her, she rips off the arm and uses it to pick her teeth. After we'd buried the pieces I had fish and chips for dinner, watched the snooker semi-final, noticed how much Peter Ebdon looks like a cue ball and then up-dated the site. A classic Sarurday afternoon. Nighty night everybody.

The second day of my site and already I've run out of interesting things to say. No feeding time related massacres - we weren't taking any chances. I got up, had breakfast (burnt sausages) and then spent the rest of the day waiting for the Lazio result to come in. We won 4-2 and qualified for the UEFA Cup which is just crap for a club as big as SS Lazio, but we deserve it. For the last 6 months our defence couldn't keep a clean sheet in a monastery. Anywhoo, next year we'll be up there challenging for the Scudetto you mark my words. In fact, if we don't finish in the top four I'll post a picture of my arse on the home page. And no-one wants that.

Finally got out of the house today...and went to sit in a dark room for 2 hours. Saw "The Scorpion King" at the Odeon (free advertising there). It was pretty good, if you like The Rock that is - lots of leaping about and stabbing people. Then I was going to go and play football, but I couldn't be bothered so I watched Animal Farm. Hehehe. Those piggies really know how to have a good time. Oh no, just remembered: Got to go back to school tomorrow. I should really be doing homework. Oh well, I don't normally do it anyway - not doing it this time won't really make much difference.

Had to got to school despite considering chaining self to bed. Not fair. Lazy bastard; needs more sleep. I was up till well past 2 last night watching the snooker and then the frigging racing on channel 5. What a pile of shite that was. School was ok, had interesting debate on whether Jesus commited suicide or not by sacrificing himself. Not being religious, I don't really care but it was better than real work. After school went to see Panic Room at cinema (again - it's something about being in the dark, I can do anything, no-one can see! Ha ha hahahaha!!) and that was pretty good but a bit too long to be honest. Then went for dinner at Italian restaurant where everyone knows my name - this sounds like Cheers dunnit? The only problem is that the pizzas there are so thin that any toppings just make it collapse and you end up eating it like a poppadom. Still, had loooooong conversation over who will win World Cup - in the end it came down to a vote and Italy won 7-1. No surprise seeing as how almost everyone there was Italian. Bye ;)

Today was assembly day so I managed to get an extra half-hours sleep. As a result I don't know what the assembly was about, but I'm sure it was very interesting and educational. My loss. Anyway, school was - as usual - okay and I am now much more knowledgable on the subject of things, which is much more important than stuff. After school I went and played football at the park and me and my mate Josh opened a whole can-o-whuppass on Dean and Richard. Hehehe. As I write this Arsenal are drawing nil-nil with Man U and, although I would rather drink a pint of cat diarrhoea than support the Mancunian scum I hope they win so that the title goes down to the last day - as it did in Italy. And I've got two quid on Man U winning. Come on the Reds.

Ok, ok, I was wrong. Man U lost and now I must eat my words (I said Man U would win the league with Veron and Van Nistelrooy) and I now am in debt of a whole 2 pounds!! I don't know how I'll cope. Maybe I'll take out a loan or something. Today was a completely normal, average day with no interesting news whatsoever. I made some paper aeroplanes in graphics that could only fly backwards but that was it. Oh, and I castigated people for "mocking" the cat. You don't mock the cat, you love the cat and if you're very nice she might not smother you in your sleep - I've seen it before, it's not a pretty sight. So let that be a lesson to you all.

As it turns out eating your words is not much fun. All the punctuation got stuck in my teeth and the argumentative bits didn't agree with me. Anyway, had the second leg of the Harris CTC Year 10 Champions League Final today. We were 2-1 down from the first leg and then went 1-0 down almost straight away. But, we battled back and the aggrogate score was 3-3 at the end. A penalty shoot-out awaits on Monday. After that excitement was the alrightness of business and then the incredible boringness of history. We learnt about...zzzz... zzzzzzzz...zzzzz. I forget. So far tonight (it's about 8 30 now) I've eaten fish and chips and then talked to Lora on the thingy messenger. Now I'll sit about till something interesting comes on the telly. So much fun, so little time.

Monday. The most depressing day of the week. Urgh. But, look on the bright side (I have to dot that a lot being a Palace fan); it's another day closer to the World Cup. Had strange business lesson this morning, we had to take part in an assembly video showing "The Class of the Future". That meant wearing our ties around our heads and speaking telepathically. It was supposed to be funny. Poor Mr. Holden. The rest of the day was relatively uneventful, we didn't have the Champions League penalties, we just played a friendly (which my team won with ease). Came home and thought about doing homework. Didn't. Then watched Tony Adam's testimonial against Celtic and talked with ferret lady again. Hopefully tuesday will be better. Plus it's another day closer to the World Cup...

Tuesday ain't that much better than Monday it seems. Mr Gerrard has buggered himself - that's why it's a groin injury. Sorry couldn't resist that one. Anyway, without Gerrard, Neville and probably Dyer our chances of winning the WC are now even slimmer than a very very slim thing. There's more chance of Sutra becoming a ballerina than of us lifting the cup this summer. Yet there is still hope with Beckham healing well and Owen staying clear of injury. Away from football, today was another school day with no news. Except I have a French exam on the 26th of June. Better start revising. Cough, cough. Once again no penalty shoot-out materialised coz of it pissing down all through lunchtime. Maybe tomorrow. No graphics/aeronautics cross curricular today, my teacher was "keeping an eye" on me so I actually had to do some work. Work at school, eh? What's the world coming to.

I have a confession to make. The pictures of Sutra weren't actually Sutra - But don't worry! They are now. As I said my scanner didn't work but now it does so there are some pictures and stuff. I bet your all very relieved. Good. On with the update. Assembly was all very exciting. If you like being bored to death, that is. Wrote some wordies in English and spoke some wordies in French. Double history wasn't as bad as usual, we had a cover teacher (that means no work) and I did a whole 3 graphs in business!! AND I actually did some homework when I got home! That really is amazing. I'll try to make a habit of it. Now I'm watching the Champions league final (one all at the moment) and eating ice-cream. Football and Ice-cream? Life don't get much better than this, folks.

I know, I know. I haven't updated for a whole three days. Frankly, I don't know how you've all survived for that long without new of my daily exploits. But anyway, I'm sorry and it'll never happen again (probably). So today is Sunday and you've missed out on three days of news, none of which I can be arsed to write about so I'll just sum it up.

FRIDAY
Went to school, came home, had people come over for family birthday. Ate chinese takeaway. Couldn'e be bothered to update site.

SATURDAY
Had a haircut (shorter, but pretty much the same). Sat about pretending to do english homework but actually talking on msn and finding stuff at bored.com. Couldn't be bothered to update site.

And now to today. Actually had to do my english homework, seeing as it's due in tomorrow. I swear if I have to quote one more line of first world war poetry I'll castrate someone. Finally finshed that just now and as a result didn't have time to go down the pub. Dammit. My pool brilliance will just have to wait another seven days. Oh yeah, have to mention how wicked Zidane's goal was on Wednesday. Absolute classic. Technique, vision, timing, skill, no I'm not talking about me - I'm describing Zidane's goal. World Cup countdown really starts now and I hope we don't get France, which means we have to go through top of our group, coz really France aren't gonna finish second. Come on ENGLAND!!

Another week begun, another lack of fun. Wow, that rhymes. As I have already mentioned, I had a haircut which only one person apparently noticed. This is the extent of the interesting news. Oh, apart from getting married (don't ask) and making a ring for my wife - coz I'm too cheap to buy one. We had a science exam which I got an A on. Whoopee-frigging-do. Science exams in general don't exactly fill me with overflowing joy. Palace apparently won in that friendly tournament against Malmo, so well done there. Next we have to play Real Betis, a game I don't really see us winning, but you never know and since their best players will probably all be at the World Cup then it'll be the Betis B team. Suddenly the week is looking a little brighter and, as always, it's that teensy weensy little bit closer to the World Cup.

I wasn't too pleased at having to miss the England game this morning against Korea. I mean, it's only school. Apart from an education, friends, now a wife and social interaction that is vital to my development as a human being, what do I get out of it? Exactly. But we drew anyway so it doesn't really matter. What a crap result that is, then again at least we didn't get any more injuries. Every cloud and all that. Apart from running around trying to find out the score, I didn't really do much work since we mostly had cover lessons until graphics, where I recieved a 45 minute detention for nothing at all. No, really I hadn't done anything, which may have been the problem since it was the homework the I hadn't done anything to. Oh well. Tomorrow morning we have an assembly which my business class is in (regular visitors will know of this, other visitors a. become more regular and b. go to the previous news to find out more). That should be good. But it probably won't be. At least it shouldn't be sleep-inducing like normal. Well I can dream can't I?

The assembly was better than I expected, but then again root-canal work would probably have been better than I expected. Then we got set another god damn essay in English, on a story we've already done (which incidentally I got the best mark in the year on - an A*). At least this is the last bit of coursework of the year in English and I won't ever have to quote poetry again. Aaaaah, the relief. After that excitement the rest of the day was okay; I got a cheese lover's tattoo in business and some new stuff for my pencil case that I've, ahem, "borrowed". Came home and avoided mounting coursework by doing f*ck all until talking on msn and then watching the under 21's get absolutely mullered by a brilliant Portugal team. Oh well, hopefully we'll do better in a couple of weeks. Normally I end with some kind of witty remark that demonstrates my brilliance but, sorry, I just can't be bothered today. Bye.

OK, I forgot to update but hopefully no-one noticed. Damn, I've kinda given the game away there, haven't I? Anyway, Friday is always better than the others because it means that there's no school tomorrow - which is nice. Unfortunately Friday also means double French, which is okay but sooo very easy coz my teacher last year had some kind of evil vendetta against me and put me in one of the lowest groups (despite one of the highest test scores). Maybe if I'd done some homework, or any work at all last year that wouldnt've happened. I think I'll probably be in the top group by the end of this year which is something to not look forward to. Other than crappy French I had mainly OK lessons, as per usual, and then came home and didn't do much. It was actually a complete lack of stuff to do that forced me into doing this, which, incidentally I'm doing earlier than normal (about quarter to eight with Jessica Garlick warbling away on Top of the Pops) so if this seems boring that's because all interesting things seem to happen at night. Mwuhahahaha (sorry to the person who's trademark phrase this is, you know who you are - it just seemed appropriate). And now I depart to take part in inspiring, enthralling and possibly even interesting activities. I bid you adieu.

After so long with no really interesting stuff to speak of, today was a veritable feast of newsy nuggets. This morning I went on my honeymoon to the country park (you don't want to know), where we perambulated aimlessly, fed ducks - to other ducks in some cases, they're evil little bastards - and devised an incredibly interesting game involving an empty oasis bottle and bad whistling of pop songs. After that excitement it was off to the pictures to see the new Star Wars film. The effects were good but the dialogue was utter shite and it was too long for my liking, then again anything would have been better than the last one and Jar-Jar Binks was hardly in it at all which is a bonus. Then, since it is my parent's anniversary, we went to that Italian restaurant Da Pietro's for dinner. Always nice to go there plus had good argument with Portugese waiter over who'll win the World Cup, unsurprisingly he said Portugal and I still say Argentina, even though he did make a good argument about the good Portugese players in Europe like Rui Costa and Figo. So I say, yes, but what about Veron, Crespo, Lopez, Gallardo, Aimar, Batistuta, etc. Hah, that'll shut him up. Anyway, come on England, which reminds me that I must go coz I'm getting up at some stupid time tomorrow morning to watch the game against Cameroon.

I didn't forget to update yesterday, I was just testing you to see if you were paying attention. So there. It's not as if anything much happened on sundayt, I went to the pub and whupped everyone at pool and came home again. Exciting eh? Monday today and I was shattered after early weekend mornings what with honeymoon and world cup warm-ups. Had double boringness, er, I mean business first. Then a series of completely average lessons that weren't very interesting at all. Ho-hum. Couldn't really be bothered at lunch so football involved just standing around criticising everyone else. Kinda like Roy Keane then. Funnily enough after school I became all motivated and did an hour on the exercise bike. That was fun. Or not. But with the holiday coming up I have to look my best. Not that I'm not the perfect specimen of a man, of course. Ahem. It's just that I'm not...well, I am perfect so I don't know why I bothered really. Oh well. Now that that's sorted I'll find another reason to not do my maths coursework.

After the strange invasion of dragonflies yesterday (what the hell was that about?!) having it rain today wasn't that bad, considering I spend most of the day indoors. I was hoping to continue my run of no homework detentions and got my reward in PE this morning; a 45 minute detention. Yes! Result! Now I've got 2 SADs on the same day and I can choose my favourite. What fun. RE was fine as I managed to get away with writing only 6 lines in an hour and a half. Then there was boring science before lunch where we gave the other team a 9-3 beating they won't forget in a hurry. Because my detentions record was already secured I saw no need to get one in graphics and for once actually got on - mostly -with my work. Created a masterpiece product analysis, coloured red and blue (of course) with circles and stuff. Ooooh! I hear you cry and oooh you should. It was pretty good. Parents have been dabbling in the black market again and somehow acquired pirate copy of the new Star Wars film. Don't ask me why, we saw it on Saturday and it wasn't that great then. Still, it's better than maths coursework about used cars, I mean, I'm not even old enough to drive yet. But I didn't do the last bit of coursework so I suppose I should go and do this one. Ta ta, everyone.

A new day brings new challenges and new sources of stimulation, provided it doesn't start with assembly, that is. It was an exciting quiz for us this morning about different cultural customs. We had to hold up cards to show what was the correct thing to do in a given situation. Unfortunately, the whole back row of year 10's only had the red cards (can't imagine how that could have happened) and put them up for all the wrong answers anyway. Still, audience participation and all that makes it more interesting, or it's supposed to anyway. The thought for the week was "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" which made me think (yes, sometimes I do think but it's very rare and worth a mention), when I go to Greece in the holidays - Yessss!! - should I gain a few stone and only eat manky kebabs? Ah! you cry, that is a stereotypical view and ever so slightly racist, and this is true. So how, when in Rome, do you act like Romans without appearing to patronise them or extract the urine? Eh? Eh? Mr. Thoughtfortheweek, you didn't think of that did ya? Lost complete track of what I was saying there, sorry. Anyway, the rest of the day was approximately 7 lessons long with a break for lunch lasting around 45 minutes. That about sums it up, oh, apart from business where we did a quiz which my team won with ease. Ha. I've developed a worrying habit of doing my graphics homework (two in a row now) which I'm trying to counter by completely ignoring my maths cousework, which is how I've spent my evening so far. I must now depart to have a bath as the flies are gathering. Arrivaderci, as the Romans say.

Only one day until the world cup and I'm almost vibrating with the excitement of a months worth of international football. Now I'm aware that some of my visitors don't like football (you know who you are) but I'm afraid you're just gonna have to put up with it until the Cup's over. So there. I love football and that's the end of it. Thursday is usually pretty boring and today was no exception. Science, maths, blah blah. You know the drill. One unusual thing that did happen was that in PE the blatantly weaker of the two unfair teams that we're split into (I'm on the crapper one) actually won a game of rounders!! Granted, it was mainly down to the fact that everytime one of their team hit they then ran inside the lines and were given out, but still, it was a victory and I'm proud of my team. Well done everyone. Ah yes, although I did my graphics homework for once she still managed to give me a detention for missing an SAD I got for, surprise, surprise, missing a detention. That doesn't seem fair, but hey, I'm not the one making the rules. Then again, sometimes I do have this dream where I'm the president of the world and women's beach volleyball becomes the universal sport. Hmmmmm. That doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon so I'd better go and have a nap. Mmmmmmm, volleyball.....

Hehehe. Hehe. You know France, the supposed World and European "champions", you know the ones, yeah, well, guess what? They LOST to SENEGAL!! Hehe. This is a very pleasing event for all England fans everywhere. I mean, Senegal haven't ever even been to the World Cup before and in their first ever game they beat the holders of the cup. Well done to them, I say. Now all France have to do is lose to Uruguay and it'll make my world cup (provided we beat Sweden, Argentina and Nigeria, that is). Last day today before we broke up for a half-term break (and much world cup watching). Aaaah. I need a break, seeing as how I've worked so hard this term. Most of today was spent trying to convince my FRENCH teacher who is FRENCH to let us watch the FRANCE game. She said no, even after we all went on strike for most of the lesson. Then we went about at lunch time trying to find a TV we could watch it on. We did find one but we're not allowed in a classroom un-supervised - although I can't imagine why. We even offered to stand outside in the corridor and look into the room where the TV is, but still we were denied. Dammit. Thank god for business where good old Mr. Holden had a radio and we could at least have commentary of the end of the game. And by the way, SOMEONE wrote on my neck and it has now left a big red stain on my frigging shirt collar. I will expect a signed apology on the guestbook, thankyousoverymuch. Even though I did let you write on me, I was not properly forewarned of the consequencs of neck-pennage and therefore am completely unresponsible. After school I watched the highlights of the game - Senegal beat France 1-0 by the way, did I mention it? - and tried to remove the memory of the piles of god-damned cousework/homework on my desk from my mind. So far I've got it down to a niggling sensation that there's something I should be doing, if only I could remember what it is...

Another early morning for me, the price I pay for my love of the beautiful game - no, not women's volleyball silly, football. Republic of Ireland v Cameroon at 7:30, so I dragged myself from the pit I call a bed to support Clinton Morrison in his first (hopefully of many) world cup. In the end he didn't even come on and the game, although a good result for Ireland at 1-1, was pretty boring. I spent the rest of the day doing nothing but moving from one sofa to the other in an attempt to get comfortable, eventually settling on the one with the best view of the TV where I watched Uruguay lose to Denmark despite scoring what will undoubtedly become one of the best goals in this world cup. Then I saw Germany (excuse me while I say 5-1) absolutely slaughter Saudi Arabia 8-0. I still don't think they'll go through coz Ireland and Cameroon are to strong for them and their crappy defence, Morrison'll easily score against them with no Nowotny and Worns (crusty German defenders if you didn't know) as long as he gets on the damn pitch, that is. Anyway, less than 24 hours until England kick off now and my predicted score is 3-1 to the English. Two for Owen and one trademark free-kick from Mr. Beckham, with Larsson for the Swede's. Come on the Three Lions!!!

I am absolutely appalled that those eleven supposed fooball players are worthy of wearing the England shirt. That was pathetic; we couldn't string five passes together, there was no service to the front men and we didn't close down the Sewdish players when they had the ball. When that Campbell header went in I thought we'd go on to win comfortably as we hadn't been playing to bad, but suddenly the back four forgot that there are four other midfielders in front of them and began hoofing the ball up to the two strikers as if it was a live grenade. I mean, Owen and Vassell aren't exactly tall, are they? If we were going to do that, which we really shoudn't, then Heskey should have started up front instead of on the left, where he didn't even use his pace and strength to get to the line and put some crosses in. He ran six yards and then stopped and passed it back to Scholes almost every time. Aaaaaaaargh. If we play like that against Argentina it'll be over, so please Sven, try and get them playing football next time. It was more like watching Scotland try and play. Now that I've got that out of the way, I have had a very strange day to tell you about...
After my parents went out shopping at about one, I went into my bedroom to find a cat standing on the top rung of the ladder to my bunk bed (yes, I have a bunk bed. Impressive isn't it?) hissing at Sutra, who was obviously not happy herself. I went over, picked up the cat and drop-kicked it out of the back door, where it had obviously come in when I wasn't looking. Then I went and had a shower and didn't give it a second thought. When I came back from the shower, there was the cat again sitting at the bottom of the ladder staring at Sutra, who hid under the covers. I threw the cat out again and shut the door. About half an hour later, I heard a crash in the bathroom and when I went to investigate, guess who was there. The damn cat had managed to get in through the tiniest gap in the bathroom window before falling off the top of the toilet. I don't know how it managed to get up there, maybe it shimmied up the drainpipe. This process of me throwing out the cat and it coming back has repeated all afternoon and even now I can see it from throught the window, plotting a way to get back in. I'm waiting for it to knock on the door disguised as the gas man. Why it keeps trying to get in I don't know coz Sutra's food bowl is empty (surprise, surprise) and there's no food anywhere in the open. Must be my animal magnetism I suppose. Hold on, there's the door bell, must be the gas man...

Stayed at a friends house last night, playing PS2 till some stupid time in the morning. Then went out and played football this morning before having anything to eat (that was a mistake, I was shattered), watched the Italians comfortably beat Ecuador - well done there, I kinda support Italy as well as England coz of my dad - and then generally vegetated for a few hours. I suppose I should have started my homework but doing this seemed like a much better idea at the time. No visits from strange cats today, but that event has certainly had an effect on Sutra, who now insists on wearing a false moustache and being called Pedro. Oh yes, apparently some people have been using the world cup, the single greatest football tournament on the planet, as a sort of scandinavian man buffet. I must stress that this is not acceptable behaviour and that the person in question will be suitably dealt with. The world cup is for watching football and this is against the oldest traditions of the tourament; leaping accross the room for the seat with the best view of the TV, criticising all decisions made by the refs, the managers and especially the linesmen and disagreeing with all comments made by the commentators. Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, I've completely forgotten what I was saying before. See what an effect you're having? Disgraceful.

Noticed this morning that yesterday was the 1 month anniversary of my website and no-one even left a litle congratulations message or anything. Excuse me while a wipe a tear from my eye. Anyway, today was a good day for football. Couldn't be bothered to get up and watch the Russia v Tunisia game but managed to rouse myself for the USA v Portugal match which was a classic (3-2 to USA if you didn't see it). The own goal by Agoos - what a stupid name that is - was a belter, outside of his foot on the edge of the area, brilliant. Then the Irish drew with the Germans (Hahahahaha 5-1) which was also nice. Even though Morrison didn't even come on as a sub or score his hat-trick. He should get at least some of the game against Saudi Arabia though, seeing as how they're a joke, so he can get his hat-trick there I suppose. I know how much Mick McCarthy values my tactical insights and fantastic football knowledge, as do all the other world cup managers so that pretty much guarantees him a game. Has anyone else noticed how the World Cup has completely taken over what I write here? Tomorrow I will try not to mention football in my update for all you non-football fans (all one of you). Football, football, football, there, it's out of my system now. Football.

Aaah, Thursday, the only day of the week with a U in it. Apart from Sunday, oh and Tuesday. And Saturday. Okay, forget that bit. Took this fabulous opportunity to actually do some homework ( :O ) which is as much of a shock to me as it is to you. I was sort of in a haze as I sat down and started my History coursework, it's been so long since I last did any work of any kind and I'd almost forgotten how to write the wordies. Thank god for the internet or I'd probably have lost all use of my fingers. That really didn't come out the way it was supposed to. I'll let you make up your own jokes. Anyway, enough frolicks, I was going to go down to the camera shop and get a film developed but then I realised I'm far too lazy and I can put that off until tomorrow, or even next October. Now I'm waiting for my dinner to be cooked (spaghetti bolognase, if you're interested, but you're probably not, so sorry for wasting you're valuable time with this useless information) and then I'll sit about complaining that my cat mangled my new headphones. She actually ate the little fabric covers that go over the earpieces. I'm not joking, she really did eat them. It's pathetic what she'll eat when she's hungry - and she's always hungry. She once ate some brillopads, I suppose she thought they were weetabix or something. All this food talk is making me hungry, I'd better go and see how long dinner'll be. And look, I got through this whole update without mentioning footba - oh shit. Damn. Well, I nearly made it. At least I tried. It's the thought that counts and all that.

My efforts to not mention football yesterday, although largely successful, have in no way deterred me from writing in big capital letters that WE BEAT ARGENTINA!!!!! Haha ha haha!!!! The best England performance since Munich (5-1, 5-1) greeted me this morning, along with a stiff neck from watching TV last night at a funny angle. Anyway, England were class all over the pitch, man of the match was Nicky Butt - something I never thought I'd be sayng - and we outplayed the Argies for over 70 minutes. World cup favourites? I think not. If we don't go through now, considering we only have to draw against Nigeria who haven't even got any points at all, I will eat all the toes on my right foot. Without any sauce or anything. The rest of the day was spent sitting in stunned disbelief and repeatedly checking teletext to make sure it wasn't all an elaborate hoax to trick me into being confident about England's chances. Then I realised how out of date the pictures are on this site (mostly over a year old) and decided to go to the camera shop and get photos developed. Tomorrow. Hey, I'm entitled to be lazy today, we beat Argentina. Hehehe. 1-0. Hehe. Sorry, but this result really has had an affect on me. I'll be walking along the street next week and suddenly burst into maniacal laughter, randomly grabbing people and shouting "1-0!" at them until kind people take me away. Something to look forward to then.

Today I awoke feeling refreshed and full of energy for some reason and took full advantage of this by watching football. Italy were robbed of two goals by shite English refereeing (why am I not surprised?) and Brazil showed China how to play football. They were brilliant, the passing was crisp and fast, the movement was intelligent and the skill was sublime. Anyway, once that was over there was no excuse to not go to the camera shop and finally get those pictures done, so that was what I did. All the excitement of walking to the shops and talking to people tired me out so when I got back I just watched TV for a few hours. The Vault has to be one of the worst TV shows ever, I mean the bloke didn't even know who'd scored for England against Sweden. And the woman who did know looked like she'd stapled her top lip to her gums, in an attempt to perfect her gopher impersonation. Then I played pick-up sticks which is a great game for lazy people as it only involves picking up little sticks very slowly. Whoever thought it up should be given a medal. It's the kind of game that's perfect for stoned people, since the sticks are painted - "whoa, man, look at all the pretty colours..." - and it requires no effort or skill to play. Or to play well, anyway. Which is I suppose the same for most sports. Oh well, it's still great. Tomorrow I go to play pool, a game which does require skill and which I am rather good at, he says with a smug look on his face. Better go and begin my mental preperations. Whoa, man, look at all the pretty balls...

Even with my incredible skill at pool, plus hours of meditation and mental preperation, I couldn't manage to win every game today. I beat my sister five times, but drew one-all with my dad. Damn it. I feel so unclean...urgh. I crave perfection!! Hold on, I need my pills. Be right back.

Aaah, that's better. Blood pressures back down to normal now, I'll be fine. On with the rambling. I didn't get the chance to play Polish bartender people as they weren't there for some reason. Probably still crying about how crap they were against South Korea. Which reminds me, well done Japan. They beat the Russians who then apparently started riots outside the Kremlin in Moscow. Talk about bad losers. Anyway, it's good that more Asian teams qualify so England get an easier run to the final. Oh, and well done to Lennox Lewis for whupping Tyson, someone's finally put him in his place. Today I realised just how much homework I haven't done, crawled up into a ball and moaned incoherently for a few hours. Then I set about thinking up some excuses. The best I've got so far is: "Sorry miss/sir, I was going to do my homework but then I remembered it was Sunday and I hadn't been to church" or "Sorry miss/sir, I was going to do my homework but then Hitler invaded Poland". Pretty convincing, huh? No? Well, it's the best I've got so it'll just have to do. Now to find a way out of my maths coursework, "Sorry miss/sir, I was going to do my maths but then I remembered the day had a Y in it..."

Back to bloody school again today. Sat next to some deranged people in business and then realised that my excuses (see previous news) weren't good enough and didn't even bother to try them in maths. I should be doing that maths work now, but I'm not. I should also be doing my, english, graphics, RE and PE homework. Maybe if I don't do any of them, it'll be okay? That's my theory and I'll be testing it tomorrow. Expect much planner/detention activity. Monday was boring normalness (apart from deranged girls in business) and since it was pissing down with rain there was no footballing. Grargh, I exclaim. No football on a world cup day is almost sacriligeous. Again with the grargh. There wasn't much stuff happening today to talk about, and I can't be bothered to make anything interesting up, so just pretend I put something really exciting here, okay? Thanks.

The magic 200 visitors mark has been broken on my site! The fact that I missed the 100 mark only makes this one more special. Wow. Also, I noticed that although over people have gone onto my site over 200 times, altogether only 7 people (including my brilliant self) have signed the guestbook. Either some people have some kind of addiction - hey, I'm not complaining, after all you're only human - or you're all LAZY!! And yes I do know that on the message page it says I don't mind if you don't sign the book, but that is obviously a pile of shite. So do sign it, damn you. Speaking of shite, I stayed off to watch the first half of the England game this morning, unfortunately I couldn't get out of going to school in the morning and watching the second half too. I'm kinda glad I didn't if the second half was anything like the first (at this point I haven't seen the highlights). We looked like we just couldn't be arsed. But anywhoo, we're through!! And poor old Argentina aren't. No really, I'm so sad for them, now look - I've got tears all over the keyboard. I can't see us losing to Denmark, but then again I also can't see us beating the magic Brazilians who we'd probably face afterwards. Considering about a year ago I didn't even see us qualifying for the cup in the first place, a semi-final defeat to Brazil doesn't sound too bad. That may sound defeatist, which it is, so there. It's a great English tradition to count our lads out before they've even started. But ah! you say, Harry, you're not actually that English really, in fact, you're about as English as a big mac and fries. If I think about it, my life would have been so much different if my dad hadn't become ill. The chances are I'd be living in Italy, a born Italian, and taking holidays to visit my relations in New Zealand, which would mean this site wouldn't even exist. How would you spend your afternoons then, eh? Be glad I was born here, or there'd probably be a porn site instead. Calm down Rachel, calm down, there isn't you dirty little girl.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I've added The I don't Know Page down there at the bottom, on the left, you see it? Thing is, it was going to be s Something page, but I can't remember what that Thing was, so now I don't know what it's for. If you have any suggestions you can leave a message. I woke up this morning and realised that it was friday, and that this week has gone reaaaally fast. School was okay, French was easy, as always, and in English we took advantage of a cover lesson to hang our normal teacher's teddy bear (don't ask) upside down, with it's mouth taped up, from the back of the door. Hehehe. Then I had a series of boring lessons before I got a detention for looking at a map in business. That was it, I wasn't even talking or anything. But that's okay, coz I had a co-ordinators after school anyway, which I took full advantage of, and revised how to be bored. I'm getting very good at it. Now I'm beginning to twitch (more than normal, even) in anticipation of the England v Denmark game tomorrow which we WILL win, or I am going to reveal my deepest darkest secrets here, on this page. Hahahahahaaaaaa. A penalty win counts too, before you start. And now I must depart, for there is trouble afoot in the kitchen, where I sense a pot of tea is brewing...

People often come up to me and ask "Just how do you manage to look that good, ALL the time?". They also ask "How is it that you keep writing such hilariously funny yet brilliantly interesting and informative updates, every single day?" and this is the answer. By not ever doing any homework at all, ever. Which is why I now have to write an entire essay about how elements of the supernatural are handled in The Red Room by Monday. Which doesn't sound too bad until you realise that I'm expected to be getting an A or A* for it. Let's forget about that for now, shall we? For there are celebrations to be had, as England are through to the quarter-finals after a surprisingly easy game against the Danes. Well done to Sven and the lads. Unfortunately, we'll probably have to play Brazil, which means we're on the next flight home. Even after a convincing win like that I don't think we're as good as the Brazilians, who scored five against Costa Rica even though they were resting Ronaldinho and Carlos. Damn them and their incredible skills. Today, after the game of course, I went up to Steatham to get a father's day gift (it's really good, trust me) and despite a run in with some seriously pissed up England fans who just wanted to hug everyone who went past their pub in an England shirt I got back in time to do nothing for the rest of the day. I had to wrap the bloody thing myself and even though it looks like it was wrapped by someone from the Blind School for Retards, I can say that I did it all on my own. I have achieved. Well done me. And well done England too.

There was no update yesterday due to the aforementioned fact that I was writing an entire GCSE English essay. That is now, however, finished and with it ends all my English coursework this year. Aaaaaaaaah, the relief. To celebrate today I discovered that behind my mild-mannered, yet brilliant, exterior there beats the heart of a disgusting pervert. In business, I participated in some soul scouring that involved typing randomly onto a blank page, with eyes closed until some sense was made via my subconscious. I cannot repeat some of the stuff I wrote about, as this is not one of "those" kinds of sites, but trust me that it was quite a disturbing experience. Didn't really get much work done today and my trusty FM radio kept me infomed of the Brazil scored (oh my god we will get slaughtered by them on Friday) until we had a rehearsal of the Celebration of Achievement evening!!!! Impressed? Well, you should be. I won't dwell on the rehearsal, as it was unbelievably boring, but it mainly involved walking around the hall and sitting down again and again. And again. The evening itself wasn't too bad but I felt very sorry for the celebrity guest speaker, Michael Wetherstone. What do you mean you've never heard of him? His speech was terible and almost all his jokes completely bombed, but the acts were good (particularly Sole Evidence, a grunge band made up of students from the school) and watching people look extremely embarrassed shaking the, ahem, "celebrity's" hand was a laugh. The evening truly reminded me of my achievements this year, as well as highlighting the efforts made by my peers. Or something like that anyway.

Back to a normal school routine today after the excitement of COA. It turned out to be one of the most average boring days for quite a while. Apart from an encouraging video about work experience with a boy that seemed to change size, shape and colour every time he appeared on screen and a girl who was not best pleased about having to make coffees and get sandwiches constantly. Lucky it was sandwiches coz by the third day I wouldnt've wanted her anywhere near knives and forks. Doesn't really matter though; as it is looking increasingly more likely that I won't have any work experience place to go to due to the brilliant organisational skills of my tutor, Mr McCarthy and the careers advisor bloke, Mr Tawse who together have managed to lose my sheet thingy, then neglecting to tell me I don't have a place until less than two weeks before the work experience starts. I don't know, eh. Terrible. Guess I'll have to sit at home for two weeks, since everyone'll be busy with working and stuff. Oh yes, I must put a special thank you to my friend Lora, for displaying the contents of my shrivelled soul for all to see. Now I will go and do nothing until I can find something better to not do. Bye Bye.

I was writing this, then I realised that by this time tomorrow I'll know whether England have achieved their potential, or whether they've gone the way of every other England team since '66. Exciting isn't it? We aren't allowed to watch the game at school, so I've got the feeling I'm going to contract a short-lived, but nonetheless very serious virus that'll last, oh, an hour and a half, depending on extra-time or penalties. Ahem. Thursday is one of those days where you haven't got anything to look forward to, but nothing to really be annoyed about. That's kinda how the day went, nothing special to mention, but nothing to complain about either. Had some lessons that were okay, had a few that were boring. Had PE which was rounders and despite being one of the only people on my team that can catch or throw the ball (no offence to any of the rubbish people) I was put out deep fielding behind first base. The ball never got anywhere near me for the whole game. The closest it came was when someone threw the ball over the bowlers head and it was almost ten yards away. Wow. Next week we've got sports day practise though, so that's good - I'll be able to slaughter everyone at the 100 metres and act all smug for the rest of the day. I act all smug most days though so it won't make much difference. Countdown to the Brazil game begins now: 8 hours 40 minutes and 23, 22, 21, 20...

I was almost not going to update this, so stricken with grief was I after the England game. The worst thing was it started so well and we just threw it all away, like a used tampon. Great goal from Owen, defence was looking solid and we were strong in mid-field, then bloody Ronaldinho and Rivaldo actually started playing properly and they scored a goal! Completely out of order, that is. Scoring a goal against England? Should be illegal. And then Ronaldinho had the cheek to do it again!! Sending off serves him right. Then the game deteriorated into Brazil seeing how many passes they could string together and England seeing how many long balls they could play without actually passing to anyone. And THEN I had to go to school. Disgusting. It was okay though, Friday usually is and I'd already missed some lessons anyway so there was less boringness to sit through. Didn't do anything really in English except watch a sort of fight between Stuart's hand and Mark's scissors, then wrote up the results of the burning wire experiment in science. French was just blaauuah, as usual, and I passed the time in business by doing that random-typing thing again. Results weren't nearly as disturbing as last time, thankfully, I only wrote lick a couple of times (no point in hiding it now is there, eh Lora - hur, hur, hur) and then history was just finishing off some coursework stuff. Funny how fast the week goes really, seems like only two days ago it was Wednesday. Wait a minute, it was. That'll be why then.

The weekend was so boring that I didn't see the point in writing anything about it at all. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it, so there. All I really did was write my History coursework (so boring even thinking about it makes me sleepy - should have done art instead) and play pool on Sunday. You'll already have guessed that I beat everyone with ease so there's no reason for me to mention it. But I will anyway; I beat everyone with ease and laughed at some French people who were there drowning their sorrows. School on Monday is alawys depressing coz it means there's 4 more days of school to go before the weekend, dammit. Did a crappy power point thingy in business and then managed to miss maths by going to dentist's appointment, unfortunately I had to go back and suffer the rest of the day, despite numerous suicide attempts. When I got home I should have done my graphics (due in tomorrow) but didn't and instead elected to do feck all and watch the music channels. That's the strange thing about having sky digital - it's supposed to give you more entertainment, but all there seems to be is a wider selection of shit, spread over more channels you still have to flick through. Now I'm going to see if there's anything on TV. You never know, I might have found something by this time tomorrow.

Missed out on a couple of days updating there, but you didn't really miss anything on the first so it's alright. Yesterday was sports day and, after being for every sports day for the first three years, on the one where I know where I'm going I get on the wrong bus and end up in Beckenham somewhere. Should have seen it coming. Anyway, I wasn't too late in the end and since my events (100 metres and the 4x100 relay) weren't till a lot later it didn't make much difference. For the past 3 years I've run the 1500 metre open race, which is before the 100 metres, and all the other people in my event haven't. This gives them an advantage and as a result I've finished third for 2 years in a row. This year I decided to conserve my energy by not doing the 1500 and finished second. This had nothing to do with the fact that there was someone in front of me (who is faster than me anyway) who for some reason just slowed down and I passed them. In the relay I ran the second leg by which time we were already behind, I was catching the person in front up slightly but it wasn't enough and we finished second in that too. My faculty, Science and Maths, were mostly crap over all the years and I didn't bother to stay and see where we finished. I'm guessing it was third. The most surprising thing is that Technology, who are shit at everything, actually won something for the first time ever. Considering they hardly won any year 10 events, the new year 7's must be pretty good. Or the other year 7's are just very, very bad. I'm guessing the latter. The trip home wasn't nearly as eventful as the trip there, no getting lost or anything; just a screaming baby on the bus which judging by the sounds it was making has 666 tattooed on it's head. Today was pretty uneventful too. I joined a cult of turnip worshippers who believe that one day cabbage, the evil spawn of Satan himself, will be forever cast into the fiery pits of Hell, so that's nice. Later I was thinking of inventing a miracle cure for all illness, but then I remembered that Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway is on so that's out of the question. Maybe I could do it between Family Fortunes and The Brian Conley Show.

Hm, my work experience has been really interesting so far. Yesterday my science teacher called me AT HOME and made me bring my coursework into school to hand in to her. Damn cheek, I was practising my being really lazy technique, and she ruined it. Someone asked me what I was going to do for two weeks and I gave it some thought today. I think I'll go on the game. I mean I could do with the extra cash, plus I get to work my own hours and there's bonuses, if you know what I mean. I mean, err, I think I've said too much. I'll change the subject. So Brazil are the champions (again) and Germany lost, which is very good. They actually played okay in the end, so well done there, and it was the "unbeatable" Kahn who lost them the cup. Ha ha. I'm crying for them on the inside, no really. Boo hoo and all that. And now the World Cup is over. No footy until the pre-season starts in a few weeks, I'm gonna end up with withdrawl symptoms. It's been a while since I had any of them, I've been getting withdrawl symptoms from my withdrawl symptoms. Anyway, nothing interesting happened today. Played football at the park and then came home and didn't do much. The End.

Day three of the great study leave experiment. At least it's more interesting than Big Brother, apart from the bit where they got seriously pissed and played that spinning aroung game. There was some entertainment. Today actually managed to be even more boring than a day at school, which is quite an achievement when you consider I have French on a Wednesday. I did nothing, nada, zero, zilch, the big O, zip. I have to find something to do tomorrow or I'm going to go insane by the end of the two weeks. Last night I was considering the whole "going on the game" idea and I realised maybe I don't need the money THAT much, I could always go and wash cars or something. There really isn't anything to say so rather than waste space I'll just go. Bye.

The last few days have been so boring I've taken to beating myself with dairy products. The butter just feels soooo good. Anyway, there is now a spider living in my bathroom. It's name is Fred. I have to call it an "it" because I'm not an expert on arachnid genitalia. It's a bit demanding with the constant "gimme a fly, gimme a fly" but I've learnt to put up with it. Anyway, now that the chances of me going on work experience are even slimmer than a very very slim thing, I've accepted my fate and begun the aforementioned dairy flagellation. It helps wile away the days, but I think I'm beginning to enjoy it too much. I'd better find it something else to do with my time. Due to the lack of stuff happening the updates are going to be a little shorter for a couple of weeks. I'll try to stretch them out with pointless verbal diarrhoea that makes it seem like I've actually put in more effort than I actually have, like this, until something interesting happens. Maybe I'll set some bombs around London and then challenge people to find and disarm them with everyday kitchen utensils. Hey, that could be a game show.

The weekend brings relief in the form of no more crappy daytime TV. Went and played football this morning with some mates, pretty crap since the football hadn't been pumped up since 1874. It was like kicking a fat man in the stomach. Without the humorous connotations. Then I performed some major surgery on my playstation controller. An analogue stick bypass was successfully completed and I now have one fully working controller instead of two disabled ones. With the way it was before you could only go left, funny for the first five minutes, suicide inducing after. Spent the rest of the day vegetating around the house until Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon came on. A very spiritual experience. I once dreampt I could fly and when I woke up I tried to fly out of bed. I have a bunkbed, you figure it out. Anyway, then I sat about talking to people on MSN, before remembering I should really do this. My life's exciting isn't it?

Missed out on a Sunday update, but I'm sure you all coped okay. It mainly consisted of beating people at pool (I seven balled some people - which isn't nearly as disgusting as it sounds if you don't know about pool) and being bored to death by the British Grand Prix. It must be boring driving around the same circuit so many times. I suppose going at 170mph helps to concentrate the mind. Today I was finally honest with myself and realised that my Frankenstein controller is just not quite up to scratch. A quick run through all my old playstation games showed that I've brought some real shite games in my life. I took them to EB in Croydon and made a cool 89 squid on exchange which I used to purchase some decent games and a new controller. I keep the old one locked under my bed now. When it's quiet I can hear it rattling it's chain, desperate to escape... But anyway, that's enough shenanigans for one day. I'm off to invade a small Eastern European country.

There seems to be a worrying trend appearing in my updates. After some careful investigation I have dicovered that on some occasions I do not update everyday. I have come to the conclusion that either I am writing these updates and they are all brilliantly funny and informative, but they somehow go missing, or that I am not writing these updates but being a lazy bastard and now trying to make bad excuses for it whilst at the same time taking up some space. You can choose which. Went to see my sister in hospital yesterday, she's just had her gall bladder removed and was so doped up on morphine she barely knew we were there. Then we went to see Minority Report, which was good but a liiiittle bit to long. Today was Boring day, fully deserving of the capital B when nothing happened at all worth mentioning. It's kinda sadistic but I preferred it when I was at school coz at least then there was something to write about. Actually, I've only got tomorrow and the weekend then I go back. Oh shit - just remembered that I have to write a piece of coursework about my work experience. Hmmm, it's going to be pretty short.

Once again the weekend turns up like a bad kebab at 4am. Minus the possibilities for modern art. Went out very early this morning (1030 I think it was, practically last night) to buy some kitty litter. I'm fed up with having to piss on my carpet so I thought I'd put some litter down. I mean I could go to the bathroom but that's just crazy talk. Then I avoided any physical activity of any kind for, oh say, four hours in preperation for the madness that is; Cooking. A. Piece. Of. Toast. I know, I know, you're asking yourself how could I do that without some kind of special training but rest assured, I'm fine - There was a tense moment when a corner of the bread went black but I dealt with it like a pro. And then I ate the toast, funnily enough. Bit of an anticlimax that was, after all the preperation that went into it. It was like a film that everyone's raving about and you go in with all the high expectations but then it turns out to be a complete turkey. But with more wheat and yeast. This evening I have been mostly watching Sport Relief on the BBC (don't worry, I made a donation. Well, my parents did - but I was glad about it) the highlight of which has been seeing Audley Harrison give Jamie Theakston a smack in the mouth. Hehehe. Anyway, it's almost over now so I'm going to go and watch the end - apparently he'll shave that irritating little bumfluff beard off if everyone raises enough. Jamie Theakston that is, not Harrison, who's beard is very masculine and impressive and not at all irritating. Sir. Bye bye everyone.


It was back to school on Monday and in the excitement of it all, I completely forgot to update. Spent the past two days listening to everyone's stories about their work experience. They're interesting the first time, well most are interesting the first, well, okay, SOME are interesting the first time but every teacher seems to want to hear about it and if your in the same class as someone for a lot of things it can get suicidally repetitive. By RE today if anyone had mentioned a nursery or the council or an accountant's once more I swear they'd have been leaving the lesson with a limp. Anyway, we had to clear the stock room up for PE (How exciting! I hear you cry) since most of the people were away on a geography trip and it's the last week anyway. So that was fun since PE teachers seem to have some kind of obsession with me: "I need some volunteers to go to the field and get some shotputs, ah Harry..." "Ok who isn't doing much? Oh Harry, would you mind carying this huge bag of medicine balls accross the hall to the stocjk room?" "Ok we need someone to drag 50 tonnes of iron ore across the Sahara desert in 45 minutes...now where's Harry?". I got to break only about 8 minutes late in the end. The rest of the day was pretty average, the highlight being told that next year I've got Mr Rose as a tutor. This is the Mr Rose that when he taught us in year seven made us all stand up and said, in his thick Jamaican accent; "I like you guys, but you full o' crap" and never ever gives detentions at all. Ever. So that was good. And I'm not being funny, but some of my updates actually HAVE disappeared. I must have forgotten to save them or something. So thats why there have hardly been any recently. Okay? Good, now that that's settled I can go.

Only a day and a half left of school now and everything's winding down into a sort of end of year dribble through the days. Except fucking English where we have to write a 3 minute presentation by Friday. I swear our teacher is actually Satan with a Yorkshire accent. Anyway, no real work done today but at least this time I have an excuse. Apart from English, mainly watched videos today - a great one about El Dorado in business. That was a classic show for all the wrong reasons (especially the 17 year old girl married to that old guy, uurgh) - and talked rubbish with people. It's one of my specialities, talking rubbish. I could talk rubbish for England. It's slowly dawning on me that I've been a student at Harris City Technology College for a whole 4 years now. Jesus Christ. I still remember wandering about in year 7 nervously trying to remember what lesson I've got next. Now I still wander about trying to remember what lesson I've got next, but I'm not nervous, I don't really care that much. That's the only thing that's really changed. Oh, and my voice has got deeper. And I've grown hair in some really weird places, hehehe... sorry. Only 1 year left now. Unless I stay on for post 16, of course. But I haven't even thought about that yet at all. I'm rambling here, so I'll stop now and go and check how much Palace are losing to Bournemouth by.

You've all missed the transition from school to holiday due to me contracting extreme laziness syndrome. Thursday and Friday were pretty easy going since no-one could be arsed to do any work and teachers couldn't be arsed to set any anyway. Except damn English where I gave a three minute presentation on England in the World Cup which was easier than I'd imagined it to be. Then in the end of year assembly (which was amazingly exciting by the way, but you probably already guessed that) my English teacher played the keyboard dressed as the phantom of the opera, running up and down waving his arms. I've never wanted a flame-thrower so much in my entire life. School finally ended and I am now a year 11 student, which made me realise that it doesn't feel like I've been at secondary school for 4 years. I can still remember my entire class sitting at one table in the dining hall, eating chips and drinking panda pops. Feels like yesterday. And now there's only one year left. Wow. Hold on for a second, I can hear some uplifting music in the background as fun moments from my time at Harris flash past. That didn't take long did it? Now I've got six long weeks of holiday to look forward to. Which reminds me, I'm going on holiday at the end next week to Corfu so you'll have to go without any updates for a couple of weeks. I know that may be hard for some of you to cope with but you'll survive. Just about. I don't like to go on such a negative note but I'm going to, so there.

The old holiday bug got me and I really could not be bothered to write anything. Which means I have even more to write about now. Aren't you lucky? Sunday was pool day a la pub. I slaughtered my sister as per usual then played this old Irish bloke who was very, very, very, very, good, even though he was at the wrong end of about 5 pints. We played six games of which I won 2, then he taught me this wicked trick shot where you pot the white ball with a 5p piece from the other end of the table. No really, it sounds impossible but I did it after about the 10th attempt. And then the bloke told me it was much easier with a 10p coin. Bastard. Anyway, it was a good learning experience watching him batter me off the table 4 times. I learnt how to sit and watch someone so much better than me playing. And then on Monday I just sat and let the holiday feeling wash over me, that was my excuse for not doing anything anyway. Today I sat at home for the whole day again, but I did make an appointment for a haircut tomorrow - a way of forcing myself to leave the house. By the end of these six weeks I'm going to be fused into the sofa if I'm not careful. Like that adidas advert where the setee tries to eat the bloke. Anyway, my first few days of summer holiday haven't been very sunny but that will all change when I go to Greece; which is less than a week away now - so prepare yourselves for a week without my amazing updates. It'll be hard but I know you can all do it. And I'm not saying exactly where I'm going in case any of my stalkers come and follow me around for 2 weeks. It happened before and it wasn't pretty I can tell you, I had to beat them off with big sticks. Anyway, it's WAAAAAAY past my bedtime so I'll go now. Nighty night.

The time has come, friends. Tomorrow I depart for sunnier climes and no amount of money, chocolate, alcohol, or scantily clad young women can stop me. But feel free to try anyway. So there will be no updates for 2 weeks due to my abscence. I'm sorry, but there it is. Anyway, when I get back I will have many humorous anecdotes about my adventures in Foreign Land with which to regail you - so rest assured this is not the end of my frankly amazing website, just a temporary pause giving me time to catch my breath. I'll be back.